Tag: life

Peace and Quiet

I’m a whole week into my media cleanse and it’s been great for my mental health. I almost hate to admit it because I never thought my scrolling was that excessive. Okay, lately it had felt excessive, hence the cleanse. But normally I wouldn’t have called myself terminally online. But the change was so stark and immediate that now I worry I was so zombified by the internet I’d stopped even noticing.

And the difference has been stark. With no social media and no TV/streaming everything has slowed way down. I suddenly have so much time to get chores and projects done. Nothing feels rushed. My body has calmed down and my imagination and intuition are speaking to me in ways they haven’t in years. Also, surprisingly, I’m burning a lot more calories. A few years ago I lost a bunch of weight and I use my smartwatch to keep track of calorie burn. I don’t feel like I’m exercising harder but I guess I’ve been up and about more this week looking for ways to entertain myself without my phone.

Of course, sometimes the anxiety hits hard in all this silence. Still no luck in the job search, our oven suddenly broke, my kid fell for an online scam and lost an uncomfortable amount of money. These are the anxious moments that send me to scrolling and without that, I have to use actual coping skills. Which are way better for me and more effective in the long run but they take more effort. When cheap distraction is just a click away, it’s hard to resist.

But I did resist. Yay for me! Instead of scrolling, I picked up some old projects. I started playing Sims 3 again (which is still staring at a screen, I guess, but in a more active and creative way). I finally got back to a card-by-card tarot study I started months ago. I kept putting it off because I didn’t have time to sit quietly and just contemplate a Tarot card. Seems pretty obvious now why I never had the time . . . I also started writing a little fiction again. Just little bits and bobs for myself at this point but maybe someday it will add up to a novel. I’ve always loved to write but I’ve never actually written a novel, not even a shitty one just for myself. Maybe with all this media-free time on my hands I’ll finally start one.

I’ve also been listening to a lot of music and working on the world’s simplest shawl. Seriously, I’m usually drawn to more complicated projects with lace or cables, stuff that stretches my skills a bit and claims my full attention. This is just a big triangle in garter stitch, which I’m finding very peaceful and meditative. Okay, right now it’s a small triangle in garter stitch. But it’s growing.

So that’s been week one. My original plan was four weeks of greatly reduced media and I’m off to a great start, ready for another week. Let’s hope I’m still feeling great about it next Sunday. Until then, I wish you tranquility and creativity.

Cleaning and Polishing

Last night was the new moon, when I make some time to perform a quick ritual setting an intention for the next few weeks. This time I decided to start a media cleanse. With all the stress lately, I’ve fallen into endlessly scrolling Reddit and binge watching true crime documentaries. Mostly about cults. I’m pretty obsessed with cults because I grew up Mormon, which might or might not be a cult; depends who you ask. Some part of me thinks if I watch enough cult stories the answer to my own history will one day become clear to me.

Sorry, the cults distracted me. See? Way too much social media and streaming. In the moment it’s a great distraction from my anxiety and frustration. But I suspect it’s making things worse in the long run because my brain never rests. For this moon cycle, I’m cutting out most of it in the name of mindfulness and inner peace.

So I’m on day two of resisting the scroll. Yesterday was busy so it wasn’t too hard. Today I’m home doing little chores around the house. It feels a bit weird to be so far from my phone; I keep feeling like I’m forgetting something. But I also feel like I have all the time in the world to get things done because I’m not spending my day half-distracted.

I had a nice jog, did some small repairs on my porch, washed the dishes, and then polished and oiled many things. This wasn’t media cleanse boredom, believe it or not. A few months ago my nice wooden cutting board cracked because I wasn’t oiling it enough, so I started aiming to oil my nice wooden stuff once a month. Then in March I got a pair of cowboy boots and that made me feel guilty for not taking care of the nice leather shoes I already own, so I added those to the list. Now, every new moon (give or take a day) is also polishing day.

I could probably assign some cool witchy meaning to this but it’s more about leveling up my adulting game. I’m grown up enough to own a few good quality things so I’m trying to be grown up enough to take care of them. I feel very responsible when my shoes are shiny. But now I’m just rambling, aren’t I? It’s time to get off the computer and back to my low tech mindfulness journey.

Until next week, I wish you shiny shoes and inner peace.

Just Let Me Wallow in Nostalgia

It’s been a hard week. The stress has been getting to me and all I want to do is read horror novels and listen to everything I liked back in high school. Violent Femmes, Throwing Muses, Pearl Jam, Primus . . . jangly emotional punk and grunge were key to my vibe back then. (Along with more dark and mellow bands like Dead Can Dance.) Listening now takes me back to those halcyon days when life was actually worse than it is now, but I also had way fewer responsibilities. I could just hole up in my room and be sad back then, and now I have to soldier on and keep people’s spirits up and actually be responsible for things. *sigh*

Instead of holing up in my bedroom like an angsty teenager this week, I finished and blocked the scarves I’ve been working on.

That is the Silky Scallops pattern by Joan Marie and the Context pattern by Kristin Briney. Both in leftover Midnigh Dreary sock yarn by Crow and Crescent yarn. I wore the only light grey sweater I own today so I could model them for you. You’re welcome. They were a good way to practice my lace knitting skills and they’ll be nice in the fall when the weather turns chill again.

Aside from the knitting, my week was pretty routine and low energy. I’ve been pulling a divination card or two every day, as I usually do, and even the cards are low energy. I think every card this week was about worries, burdens, feeling scattered and blocked. Today’s card was the Five of Pentacles–hardship and insecurity. Yeah, they’re really reflecting my own sour energy back to me lately. Since I’m a grown-ass middle-aged adult and not an angsty teen, I’m committed to working on getting out of this funk in the coming week or two. But I’ll probably still be in the mood for musical nostalgia for a while. Maybe this week I’ll push forward into college-age nostalgia. Tool, Deftones, System of a Down . . . that was my Nu Metal phase, clearly.

There was one unexpected bright moment to my week. Last week I said I had to do a small repair before I could finish painting, remember? Well, as an early Mother’s Day gift my youngest kid decided to patch that hole. Amazingly, thanks to some DIY my husband did ages ago, we had everything we needed to patch that hole and I just didn’t know it. I’ll still have to buy a little more paint but I can totally finish that project now. It was very cool of her to fix that for me and saved me a lot of work. She did a great job.

And that’s my week. I’ll try to be more chipper next time. Until then, I wish you a week of your own favorite tunes from high school.